Back from vacation.

Sorry i havent written lately, i just got back from a surpise vacation to the phyc ward! yeah, im not proud, i was being sarcastic.
I guess i had a breakdown, i dont really remember, i blacked out. i was in a hospital bed since saturday morning. im back now, even though i dont feel like i changed. im super depressed still. i feel like i cant take it anymore. the world is attacking me and im not alexander the great. it hard to explan the feeling that i have. im sorry but its hard to talk about.
So, i have a skype account, you should all add me, my skype name is zoeyxlynn.
Well, im cutting it short right now, since im in class.


Oh the joys of blogs.

I dont know. Im pretty happy i have a blog. I have somewhere to post my ideas, toughts, believes, ect. Like i dont know really how to explain it. I have somewhere that is mine, noone else can take it away from me. and plus, im able to meet new people and learn about different things that goes on in my life without them bitching, nagging, and annoying the hell out of me. but i kinda am currently watching my back, i feel as if everyone is looking at me, like wtf is your problem? ohh the drama. People saying bullshit lies and acting as if im the bad guy. Well i diddnt do anything wrong. NOTHING!
everyone seems to put the blame on me, like ohh you missed so much school your so stupid, well no. Not at all. I have this thing, you might of heard of it, its called SWINE FLU, so im pretty sure you diddnt want me coughing and vomiting on you all. i have good reason. School is so boring anyways. you sit, listen, copy some notes, and get yelled at. Then repeat. like, really. this is what schools are today.
So i have Skype now, and if you want to talk, its okay. my skype name is zoeyxlynn. if you can tell, i have no life.

Choking on sweet air

I cant really see a point to life right now. Im pretty depressed right now, just really stressed out. I havent been able to smile and mean it today. I want to pretty much do something, i dont know what to do, but i want to be something.
I feel so sick, as if i need to be on an IV, or life support.

The Importance of being bored in school

Its almost as if it was a RULE we all have to follow.
Wake up early so you’ll be tired in class; No cell phones; no talking; no facebook, myspace or any other fun sites. Every where you go its the same thing!
Wake up, get ready, go to school, be bored. And everyone knows it doesnt end at the last bell, oh no. Then you have parents asking how your day whent, what did you learn, are you failing? Then after talking to them.. you have to do HOMEWORK! like, really? what the hell? if i wanted to do more work, i wouldve stayed in class instead of being puched out in those small crowded halls. like, cant we make them a bit bigger? You see your getting morw grade nines and the student population is growing, but you still refuse to make bigger halls, or even getting new textbooks. Like fuck, I was just in media class and we had to copy a note from a textbook, with the textbook saying that Cable television is the next enemy for the radio business. Really? and all the stats in the book? ha, dont even bother knowing them, Their over 25 years old.
Schools are failing, world-wide. Like, DPS (Detroit Public Schools) are bankrupt, the whole US curricum is wrong, out-dated and wont get you anywhere in the world. And oh no, im not “Praising the candian schools.” Our Prime minister wanted to get rid of the arts, put no more funding in it. yeah so good-bye drama, art, music and everything else. Our schools are pretty poor. Over populated and kinda dirty (Or, at least from what ive seen). The UN should make all schools world-wide equal. We all study the same things from the same textbooks and we all be able to work world-wide, since thats whats going to need to happen if we want to save our world from this resession.
But thats just what i think.

I need to clean my damn screen

So not only do i have the reflection of the window behind me on my screen, my screen is super dirty. But as im in school, I have nothing to clean it, So its kinda really pissing me off.
umm so yeah, Im doing alright, just very tired, like theres nothing for me to do anymore. But really, What is there for me to do? all i really do is nap, blog, text and chill with my boyfriend. I need a change. i need a new hobby. like, what should i try? Im already trying to learn german in an online course. I am of german background, but i speak none, other then Ish Liebe Dich, Which means I love you. So as i sit here, under the stairs, with a whole bunch of nerds, geeks, loners, and the outcasted, i feel… bored. My life doesnt mean anything right now. I just only care about my boyfriend. what hes doing, how hes feeling, and how pissed off is he. Hes trying to quit smoking, so his stress is up really high. im trying to calm him down, but it seems like all i do is stress him out more. What can i do? I need help. i need someone to help me. Please hear my crys, as i try to find you.. it seems impossable.


Yeah, i really havent been on my computer, at all, Except for class work or listening to the sweet music playlist i have going on. I havent been on the web at all. Ive been to cought up with my boyfriend and being with him. Yestorday was his 21st birthday. It was also the day we got married. No, Not legally, but to us. We have done it all. I love him and all the stuff he does for me. He’s the nicest guy in the world.
But As i was saying last time i blogged, Something happened to him when i then saved his life. Not kidding. Im not saying everything, due to the fact that i respect his wishes and i dont want to tell the whole world but i will say this: He was in the hospital to see a Pych. He was feeling like dieing and i convinced him not to after his attemp to break up with me in the ER waiting room. I sat there in that waiting room crying for two hours before he promised he wouldnt.
I feel bad for what he is going though, I makes me want to cry. But im trying my best to help him. I just hope he’ll make it out alright. But i have a feeling he will.
As now he calls me his wife, i call him my husband. and we vow to be together forever.


Yes, I had done everything at all. But this is something i am so proud of, so happy to be apart of it, and so happy i could do something for this.
So my boyfriend and i have speaat the last little while, more like 23 hours, at an hospital after him being in a bit of an suicidual mood. So with me being with him all night, In the morning he said something, Something with a horriable idea tailed along with broken-ness and despire. So i talked to him, Non-stop, Cried, Spilled my heart out. I love him so much. I love him and so i promised him my love for my whole life in terms of him not killing himself and living, and staying with me and not doing other plans in this Mega-to-end-all plan.

A great sleep

Sorry for my lack of blogging yestorday. I wanst feeling good at all. School made me sick. I was so light headed and i felt like vomiting up my blood and my lungs. I was very depressed yestorday witch diddnt help. I dont know why or what was the cause of it, but i was. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that im taking my meds for once, My boyfriend is makeing me.
So when i got home last night after school i felt dead. Completely dead. So i had a huge headache at around five so i went upstairs to my room and ended up falling asleep. I diddnt wake up untill six am this morning. Yeah, 14 hour sleep. So now i feel so awake, but i cant do anything since im grounded this weekend.
I miss the old days. being able to do whatever i wanted, Not having to give a flying fuck or worry about a thing. But now that im a teenager with Bi-polar depression, ADHD, And anxity, i cant handle it. I dont know how much problems i really have. No i worry more about the world around me then myself. but with myself i worry about my looks, I want to be sexy, beautiful and pretty. But it seems like that will never happen. oh but a girl can dream cant she?


Fighting. I never got the point of it. So someone pisses you off and you beat the shit out of them? really?
Well yestorday i wrote about rememberance day (sorry i refer it to that, im canadian) but as i was finishing up my peice, A fight broke out in my school Cafe. At frist i heard it wwas about rumores and talking shit, now i have learned the awful truth: It was an anti-semitisum act. He beat him up, Cause he was jewish. He Was forced into a corner, and beat, nonstop. he also curled up in fetal ball as his attacker punched him. Hes now in a neckbrace.
I dont know the complete story, i only know that. And the attacker was arrested and charged with assult.
I think that its a sick twisted world we live in. Where everyone is bullied and bully. we need hope.
make love not war.

Lest We Forget

Happy Rememberance/Veterns day. Even tough today is a very sad day, We must all be pround of our Countries, Armys, freedoms and laws we have. Today we think about everything that has happened and affected us. World war one, World war two, The situation in iraq. we have all lost someone in our family or life, even if you havent met them, They are buried in the soil with pride and dignity.
I think everyone can understand the meaning of this day. As we in canada look at vimy ridge and our loyalty to britian, The US looks at the day the two tiwn towers in New york, New york, or Pearl Habour. And isreal looks at how everyone fought for the rights of the Jewish faith.
Everyone on this earth has something to thank on this day. Weather it be safety, freedoms or even just being able to live without fear.
So, I ask this, what are you thinking about on this November 11th, 2009? did you have a moment of slience at 11am? are you wearing a poppy? have you hugged and thanked a Soilder (dead or alive)?
As a child in a grade school, I never unterstood this day. Untill i started listening, watching and having an interest in history and news. but now i understand, And the words “Lest we forget” have made this day beautiful.
On a end note, I would like to finish this entry with the poem “In flanders Fleids.” I did not write this. thanks for reading.

In Flanders Fields
By: Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae, MD (1872-1918)
Canadian Army
In Flanders Fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

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